Used to…
It has become something of a chore now, what with the constant calls to update various plug-ins and such. When combined with the senseless nature that 1&1 has adopted when hosting such an installation, it makes me grind my teeth. Rather than find a new host (that has it’s own set of annoyances), I am taking the easy way out.
In the next few months, I will be transitioning away from this server. I have already started by changing the theme, since going to a hosted site by Wordpress.com wont allow me to use my own theme (without paying an upgrade fee, which I wont do right away, if at all).
It’s annoying as hell, but I’m tired of paying for server space from a host that fights with me and limits what I can do. I just want a place to host a blog and my portfolio images, and there are no shortage of free methods of doing exactly that.
However, Tolkien’s vision of Middle Earth was just that: a singular vision. It should not have become canonical law when it came to defining what the fantasy genre as a whole. Yet, despite the rich potential that the genre has, deviating from said law goes against the grain for a lot of readers. As such, publishers prefer to keep us safely in the realm of the familiar, endlessly churning out the same thing over and over again, with little to no real differences.
I know writers who are equally tired of the familiar trappings of fantasy. They want something different from their creations, and thus they move in their own directions in search of it. They believe, as I do, that it IS possible to tell a fantasy story with nary an elf in site, and no magic to speak of. It IS possible to tell a sci-fi story that DOESN’T focus on the technology (Just look at the recent Battlestar Galactica remake). It IS possible to write these kinds fiction and have them be respected, instead of dismissed (like so much of the rest) as trivial fluff.
If I could work my will, I would create a publishing house devoted to publishing the un-fantasy of fantasy. Unique creations and stories that don’t rely on the familiar, that challenge the reader to use their imaginations again. If that started happening, I’d bet that it would herald another golden age of fantasy.
Why? Answer: Because somewhere along the line, we actually started listening to a society that told us to put away childish things.
Something has been happening to me over the last few months, & I don’t quite understand it yet. My focus shifts; & my priorities change yet somehow remain the same. My artistic mind branches out of the box which I tried to keep it, and I suddenly feel as though the number of years I’ve charted on this world don’t have any bearing or relevance on anything.
Life shouldn’t be governed by an age iterator.
It was Fathers Day this past weekend, and while shopping for my daughter’s first bicycle, I wandered into the aisle where the skateboards were kept. For those who know me pretty well, skating was one of my favorite activities when I was younger. While some did it as a means for social rebellion, I actually think I stumbled on the quasi zen-like aspect of it. When I skated; everything else went away and it was just me, the board, and the street. It may sound corny, and maybe it is, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
I’ve missed that feeling, for going on 15 years now. I can remember swearing up and down that I would never stop skating, no matter how old I got. Yet, I put skating away, because that’s what was expected of me when I got older. It was the act of putting away childish things, or as I understand Corinthians (13:11) to say.
I am so tired of the expectations game. I am so goddamned bone weary of being expected to and trying to fit in with the common belief of what I should do, of how I should behave. As far as I am concerned, the stigma of popular perception can be damned; I’m going to do what I want. I’m not looking to intentionally confound expectations; I’m just making those expectations irrelevant.
As it happened, Father’s Day was also National Go Skateboarding day (who knew?). When I combined all these things, the way I used to enjoy skating, my oddly changing perspective, and the convenient existence of a holiday as an excuse; there was absolutely no reason not to get one.
So dammit, I did.
After putting together my daughters bike (remember, priorities), I spent a little while skating next to her while she rode. The first thing I noticed was my timing, or lack thereof. It’s a decade and a half rusty, and something I’ll have to work on getting back. What I won’t have to work on getting back, however, was that feeling I used to get. THAT came back right away.
My wife jokingly remarked that I was trying to recapture my lost youth. A friend of mine laughed when I mentioned my weekend activities, first asking me how old I was. I honestly can’t see what age has to do with anything, and there are likely other things I have discarded from my youth that I’m of a mind to regain.
I don’t think it’s in the hands of society at large to define what being an adult is and isn’t. At one point in time, playing video games was considered exclusive to the young, something no “self-respecting adult” would ever be caught doing. Amazing how things can change in the span of a generation.
In conclusion to the first post of this type, these are the things I got from my father…
If you want something, be prepared to work for it.
Free rides are rare, oftentimes not really free, and should never be expected. If you are not prepared to put in the time to get it, then you probably don’t deserve it in the first place.
Keep your word
This comes from a time when your word was one of, if not the most valuable thing a man had. In a world where we see people break their words too often, it has never been more important to maintain this.
Actions have consequences
If you screw up, you are going to get nailed for it, period. Nothing makes you special, nothing make you exempt.
Sometimes you have to break the rules
Rules are important, but there are times when there are things more important than rules. The challenge is to know what those are and when to follow this lesson.
Do what you have to, and if necessary, pay for it
Finally, in a world where actions have consequences and rules sometimes have to be broken, this lesson reigns supreme. If you have to break the rules, do it, but be ready to stand tall when you get called on the carpet for it.
Like before, I could probably write a post three times longer than this, citing all kinds of examples. However, I think my point has come across. Today is an important day. Think about the things that make you what you are, and think about how many of those things probably come from your father.
Go give him a call…
But, gorramit, I just couldn’t frakking do it…
There are a lot of things I am, and a lot of things I’m not, nor will ever be. I’ll figure out a way to fly to the moon before I ever become a muscle bound athlete. Center stage at a large gathering is NOT a place I call home, and my tastes in entertainment do not follow the mainstream.
However, one of the things I definitely consider myself to be is a Geek. It’s a title I wear proudly into my adulthood. It has deep roots in my current career, and equally in the next career I hope to have. Yet, this title didn’t come without a cost. In order to be considered a legitimate Geek, you had to pay heavy dues. Fellow geeks know exactly the kind of dues I’m talking about.
For the unenlightened, I’m obviously not talking about mailing a check to a treasury or chairman of some gorram club. These dues are paid over a long period of childhood, in blood, sweat, tears, and emotional anguish.
So, naturally, it frakking outrages me to see the kind of shit that’s happening today. Suddenly, being geek is chic, and all the “cool kids” are doing what they’ve always done, which is follow the trends.
It started with gaming. Videogames were one of the bastions of geekdom. Now, jocks and teenage princesses are buying consoles, playing Halo, and calling themselves “Gamers”. These so-called gamers don’t have a clue what a Grue is, or the significance of LOAD “*”,8,1 (at least, not without resorting to Google…).
This influx of numbers to the gaming population has led to the stagnation of the entire occupation, as game developers scramble to cater to these people. Perhaps this is why gaming has begun to suck over the last couple of years.
Now, this movement has hit the movie screens. From what I understand, being a fan of Star Trek is suddenly cool.
Let the full meaning of that statement sink in for just a moment. Star Trek? Cool? Once upon a time being a fan of Star Trek earned you immediate ridicule, almost guaranteed to be followed by a wedgie (or worse). Yet, because of the new movie just released, it’s suddenly considered to be a good thing?
The new movie is good; I have no complaints about it (aside from it being a reboot). What pisses me off are the people who are suddenly coming out of the woodwork claiming that they’re trekkies. I can guarantee you that none of these jackasses know Trek, not like true geeks do. Why? It’s because it was people exactly like them that made our lives miserable for it not so long ago.
I ground my teeth at the absurdity of the Society for Geek Advancement video, the one that tried to define what a geek really was and failed miserably. I held back my comments when pretty boy Ashton Kutcher was called the “King of Celebrity Geeks”, just because he uses PDA’s and Twitter. I simply did a :facepalm: at the very idea of Shaquille O’Neal ever being considered a geek.
Honestly, I really shouldn’t care. None of it is that important in the grand scheme of things. Somehow it went from being a geek meant being ostracized, to being a geek means everyone wants to be like you. In some ways, it can be argued that I should feel some sense of smug satisfaction.
But I don’t.
I paid my dues, I put up with it all, from the taunting to the name-calling to the general sense of being made to feel like I didn’t belong. Today, being a called geek is regarded as a good thing, and I consider that the long awaited reward for my patience. These assholes have no right laying claim to something they didn’t earn.
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In the past few weeks I’ve seen my own perceptions change about what’s possible, and what’s not. The ideas in my head that once felt beyond my skill level don’t feel quite so out of reach anymore, and for the first time in over a decade I’m looking at something I’ve finished and thinking ‘How in the world did I manage that?’
Every artist fights an internal war with those most ancient of adversaries; Fear and Doubt. Somewhere, amid the creative chaos that is my mind, I’ve halted their most recent offensive, and put them on the retreat. As their strength begins to dwindle, so too does my momentum increase.
Currently I’m working on two paintings simultaneously, with preparations being made for a third (and if you think it isn’t complicated to juggle that many paintings at once, believe me, it is). In addition, there are a multitude of drawings and digital paintings I’ve promised to do for various writers and game developers.
As far as I am concerned, this heavy workload is a good problem to have. This is what I’ve been seeking, these many years of struggling to regain my skillset. As comedic as it sounds, I’ve worked hard to work this hard.
Some people might mistake my intention when they learn of the amount of time I spend drawing or painting. It’s not to make money at it, that’s for certain. When artists create, it’s because there’s something within them that yearns to see the light of day. It’s not just a desire, but a need to bring these visions forward and to share them. It’s in the creation that the artist learns just a little bit more, about both his craft and himself.
As far as I’m concerned; therein lays the true compensation.
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I spent a LOT of time with this painting this past week, almost to the exclusion of everything else. As is with every project, there are things about it I don’t like, and things I do. However, I’m still pleased with the progression it’s taken. The better part of the current week will probably be spent on the dragon.
The earlier stages can be viewed here…
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On the whole I am happy with how it is coming along. As with all projects like this, I had to make some on-the-fly decisions that conflicted with what I originally planned. If I had to guess, I think I’ve got about another two, maybe three weeks left before this is done.
The earlier stages can be viewed here…
Except today is mother’s day, so I’m inclined to reflect on the things I “got” from my mother. So much of what we become as adults comes from our parents. It’s something I’m more conscious of now, since my soon-to-be four year old has developed the trait of imitating what her mother and I do.
First and foremost, a love of being an artist.
When she still picked up pencil and pad, she was awesome. Unfortunately, it’s something she left behind for more practical pursuits (presumably, to include raising me). Unfortunately no amount of persuasion from me has managed to get her to return to it. However, as I was growing up, it was something she always encouraged me to do.
I remember one year I asked for an eighty dollar set of colored pencils for my birthday. I was expecting some pushback; I mean 80 bucks for a set of colored pencils? At the time, the concept of Artist grade colored pencils was pretty foreign, and that was a considerable price tag for something you could get pretty cheap at Wal-Mart.
Instead, she took it in stride, and I did indeed get that set (after 15 or so years, I still have most of them). It was this reason, and many others like it, that I still pursue being an artist and try to encourage it in my own children.
A love of cooking
I won’t speculate on whether she enjoys it as much as I do. However, I can remember always being in the kitchen with her when she cooked, even back to my furthest, haziest memories. As I got older, she decided that I was not going to grow up to be a helpless bachelor living on fast food. She taught me how to cook, and how to enjoy doing it. As a result, I do most of the cooking in my house, and will likely continue to do so.
An occasional inclination to be goofy.
Whoever said growing up means always acting like a grownup didn’t live in my house. It’s a way of not taking life too seriously, and it’s a trait I am glad I share with her.
Patience
It takes a tremendous amount of patience do deal with an unreasonable child (as I’m learning daily). While neither hers nor my patience level is inexhaustible, it’s always been enough to keep me from doing or saying something I’d regret later. When I compare the ability to be patient between my mother and my father, it’s easy to say that I got most of mine from her.
A strong work ethic.
When I first entered the workforce as a newly minted Airman in the Air Force, I modeled my approach after what I saw in both of my parents. Like many from their generation, they take having a job seriously, and work pretty damn hard at it. It still confounds me when I see people my own age (and even older) who approach their roles as workers with the barest effort, doing as little as they can get away with and not get fired.
I could probably write a post three times longer than this, citing all kinds of examples. However, I think my point has come across. Today is an important day. Think about the things that make you what you are, and think about how many of those things probably come from your mother.
Go give her a call…